


In Love and Anger

by lasairfhiona



Series: Fiona Saga [11]
Category: Highlander: The Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-23
Updated: 2011-04-23
Packaged: 2017-10-18 13:00:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/189144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lasairfhiona/pseuds/lasairfhiona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fiona and Joe have a fight</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Love and Anger

**Author's Note:**

> Authors Notes: The title is taken from the Lyrics of the Indigo Girls Song "Keeper of my Heart" on the Nomads *Indians* and Saints album. "For you lift me through my love and anger". This story is current through Judgment Day. Lyrics to 'If I Ever Cried' belong to Jim Byrnes and Tim Hearsey. No copyright infringement intended.

New Orleans 2002

Joe and Fiona were in New Orleans for the annual Jazz and Heritage Festival. It was the first time in ages either one of them had a vacation and they both felt they needed a break. Fiona had missed getting together with Methos for their one thousandth anniversary in Ireland, earlier this month. Both of their schedules made it hard to get together and Methos ended up in Seacouver on business. Joe was making it up to her with this mini vacation. They planned moonlight walks along the boardwalk, and nights spent enjoying the atmosphere of the French Quarter, leaving plenty of time to make love. After all they were there to enjoy themselves.

One evening they ran into an old friend of Joes, Frank Duffy, from Chicago. Frank had invited them to join his group as they went through the numerous tents, tasting a variety Cajun foods and listening to the other bands. Joe stood listening with particular interest to one band and Fiona knew he was figuring out a way to add some of what he heard into some of his own music. Joe stood listening to one particular group, watching a guitarist when he heard Fiona trying to get his attention.

"Earth to Joe."

"Huh? What?" Joe looked at Fiona sheepishly; he knew he'd been caught staring.

"You looked like you were a million miles away."

"Not really. I was just watching the cords she was playing and trying to determine what key it was."

"Sure..." Fiona teased.

Joe grabbed Fiona around the waist and pulled her close. "You are the only woman for me," he whispered in her ear as she stood giggling in his embrace.

They continued to stand listening to the music, wrapped in each others arms.

Frank showed them around town, taking them to the places the 'locals' went that the tourists didn't know about. After he wined and dined them, Frank sprung his idea on Joe. "My band is playing this weekend, join us." He knew Joe well enough to know it would be an offer he'd be hard pressed to refuse.

Fiona watched the expressions run across Joe's face and chimed in before he even had a chance to decline Frank's offer. "Go ahead. You know you've been itching to play since we got here."

Joe just grinned at her, knowing it would be futile to refuse her. "Oh hell. Why not?"

"Great!" Frank exclaimed.

The two men sat discussing the music Frank's band played. Joe knew it would feel good to get out in front of a new crowd and let loose a little. He tended to be more restrained when he played at home because of it being a home town kind of atmosphere and the fact he knew most of the regular patrons. But the New Orleans atmosphere was different and he told Fiona it called to him to loosen up. She just laughed and told him it was just his excuse to flirt with all the pretty girls.

"But, Fee, you're the only pretty girl I want to flirt with," he told her before he went on he first night.

He had a great time playing with Frank and the band. They played old jazz and blues favorites by Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, and Muddy Waters. He'd also given Frank some of his music earlier, so they were set to go when he joined in. The first night went off without a hitch. Joe loved the attention he got from the crowds. This was something he didn't get at home where they all knew him. Fiona sat at a nearby table, listening. She loved watching Joe perform in this kind of setting. He hammed it up for the crowds and let loose his inhibitions. It was obvious to all who watched he loved what he was doing.

The next night, Joe sat in with Frank's band again. The crowds were a little more boisterous. It was the weekend and all the festival goers had returned to the quarter and were now partying. There was standing room in the bar and the dance floor was packed. Fiona managed to get her table again and she sat watching the crowds. The dynamics were fun to watch as people got jostled on the dance floor, while trying to get and maintain a good position in front of the stage and hopefully the attention pf the band.

Joe had an adoring public when he finished a set. Several young women who danced close to the stage usually walked over and talked with him before he disappeared through a back door for a breath of fresh air and to drink a beer in peace. Fiona remained at her seat, letting him catch his breath before returning to the stage, she would show him what his music did to her, later, in the privacy of their room. When Frank called him back up, he walked past, shooting her a smile she knew meant that he'd take care of her later...

When the strains of the last song faded away, a woman climbed the stage to beg for another song. Fiona watched with interest as this woman leaned against Joe, caressing his arms and pleading with him to sing again. In attempts to pacify her, he asked the band to play one more song. It was one he'd written for Fiona, a slow ballad.

He played the song while watching her, letting his full passion show through. It was no wonder the woman had come on to him earlier, Fiona thought. Joe put so much of himself into the songs he sang, especially the songs that spoke of passion. There wasn't one specific thing he did different. It was just a mood, a look, the tone of his voice that told the story. Fiona knew he was a passionate man by nature but she also knew he kept most of it private. Only those who *knew* Joe Dawson, knew what lay under the thick skin of the bartender. The rest of the world just saw the performer and were seduced by the music; it drew them like moths to the flame.

He closed the final song and sat unwinding a moment while the other band members packed up their instruments. The woman who'd requested the song earlier was back on the stage. She was practically rubbing herself on Joe's leg while she tried to seduce him. She was dressed like she'd just come from the gym, with spandex shorts and a tight fitting cropped top. Joe just kept trying to untangle himself from her arms. He was tolerant with her, but to anyone looking, it was obvious he was uncomfortable with her attentions. She was persistent however, never really letting him rise from the stool he was sitting on. Just as Fiona was about to go rescue him he managed to break free and with Frank's assistance, exit the stage.

Fiona approached the woman who was about to follow Joe through the backdoor to the dressing room. "Excuse me," Fiona said wanting past the woman , but also wanting to make sure she knew that Joe was *hers*.

The woman, annoyed at being disturbed, snapped, "What?"

"Leave him alone. He's taken," she stated simply, her voice quiet.

"Oh really? And who are you say that?" she asked while fixing a strand of her blond hair.

"His wife." Fiona simply said.

The other woman blanched and turned away. She may have wanted to get lucky with Joe but she was in no way able to deal with the lethal expression Fiona wore.

Joe had been watching the interchange from the doorway. He'd stopped to wait for Fiona when he saw her talking to his would be seducer. He was curious to hear just what Fee had told the other woman. He saw the woman pale significantly before she turned and walked away.

Fiona watched her leave, then turned and walked straight into Joe's waiting arms.

"What did you say to her?"

"I told her I was your wife."

"Ohhh," was all he was able to croak out.

Had Fiona been watching, she would have caught the strange expression pass across Joe's face.

They spent some time talking to Frank before heading out for a stroll through the French Quarter on the way back to their hotel rather than take a cab. They were staying on the second floor of a bed and breakfast in a room that faced east its balcony overlooking the street below. They had picked this particular place for it's hominess and the convience of the elevator.

Joe was quiet during their walk back. Fiona had tried to tease him into talking but soon gave up when he failed to even respond. Something was obviously on his mind but she had no idea what could have brought his mood on.

"Excuse me?" she finally said, trying to get his attention.

"Huh? Oh, sorry. What dear?"

"Is your name Joe or Duncan?" Fiona asked, teasing him gently, trying one more time to get Joe out of his mood.

"Now why would you ask that?" Joe asked, confused.

"Well, you are doing a pretty good imitation of Duncan when he gets into a funk," she informed him with a smile.

"Sorry, my dear. I'm just thinking." He told her as he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.

"Anything you want to talk about?"

"Not yet."

"Joe..."

Joe looked her and saw the troubled look she wore. He hated himself for making her worry, but he needed to think about how he felt about her saying they were married. He was conflicted. They'd talked about her marriage to Methos and the little ceremony they'd had to break the handfasting, at least in their eyes and that of their friends. But he'd never thought seriously about marriage for himself before. When he was young there were the insecurities about the loss of his legs and the wondering why a woman would want a man who wasn't whole. As he matured, he was already established with the Watchers and he knew this kind of lifestyle was not for a family or at least not for him as MacLeod's watcher. Mac moved around too much.

Now here she was saying he was her husband. He loved her. Of that, there was no doubt. And he wanted to spend every minute of the life he had left with her, but he had no idea how he felt about marriage at this late date in his life. Marrying her wouldn't make the commitment he felt about them together any more significant or any more important then it was at that moment. Then there was the fact he knew she would either outlive him by centuries or he could lose her one day to the stroke of another's sword. Then there were the rules he'd sworn to uphold when he took his oath with the Watchers. Some of which he'd broken without even a second thought and would do so again.

He knew life in general was uncertain and he would have the same worries about a mortal woman. But Fiona wasn't mortal and the way she lived and had survived for so long was as foreign to him as having children would be to her. He loved her, but he was realistic enough to know one day she would leave him. Why would she want to stay with him as he aged and was no longer able to satisfy her? Was he protecting himself and his feelings by balking at even the idea of marriage with her, especially when the only reference to marriage had been her calling him her husband to get rid of a woman who was making a nuisance of her self?

When they reached their room he told Fiona to go on ahead to bed saying he wasn't tired. She went quietly and that should have been his first indication that something was wrong. It wasn't unusual for him to stay up after he'd been playing, although they usually stayed up together, sometimes talking, sometimes he'd give her a more personal concert, and more often than not they would end up in bed. The music energized him, but this was different. As much as he wanted to hold her, he needed to figure out what was going on in his head.

Joe grabbed a bottle of scotch and headed to the balcony. He sat with a glass in his hand wondering about their relationship. He loved her; of that, he was sure. Did her saying that bit about being his wife mean she wanted more? Did it mean she wasn't happy with the way things were between them now? What about his job with the Watchers? How would he be able to continue on as a watcher when he was openly married to an immortal? Could he? Would the Watchers find out and try him again? He was sure there would be no way out this time. No immortal out for vengeance, spewing bullets, killing his would-be executioners and only wounding him. He gave up his musings, knowing they would take him further into the bottle sitting at his elbow and hence further away from the one he loved.

Joe took his last swallow and capped the bottle. He rose and headed to bed. Once there he pulled Fiona back against his chest. He could smell the sweet flowers of her shampoo as he laid his head against her's. Joe reached around her to run his hand down her cheek, he felt the dampness of her cheeks and knew she'd been crying.

"Fee, honey," he said wiping, the dampness away.

She never said a word. She just rolled toward him and curled deeper into his embrace, burying her face in his chest, her tears still flowing.

Joe reached under and tipped her chin so he could look at her. "Fee, tell me what's wrong. You know I can't stand to see you cry."

He was concerned, she rarely got weepy. If fact, in the years they'd been together, he'd maybe only ever seen her cry once or twice. Could she sense his uncertainty?

"You've been so quiet since we left the club and you won't talk. Did I say something to upset you?" she sniffed, before returning her head to his chest.

"Oh honey. I love you. I hate seeing you upset. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you first. I just wanted to think about it." He stroked her back as he talked. "Fee, what you told that woman got me thinking... wondering really... Is marriage was the best thing for us? Wondering how I felt about it? What it would mean to my position in the Watchers?"

"Joe, what does me calling you my husband have to do with the Watchers?" she moved back from him and leaned up on her elbow to look at him as they talked.

"Fee, don't you see? How can I even think of marrying you, an Immortal, and continue to be a part of the Watchers? They sent me to trial once because of MacLeod and it's not as if our life so far hasn't been a big risk, especially with what happen before we met."

"So, in other words, you're choosing the Watchers over me?" she asked, her voice wavering between being upset and angry.

"Damit, Fee that is not what I said."

"Oh really? You're telling me that you won't even think of the possibility of us getting married because of them. Joe, have you ever thought about leaving?"

"I can't leave the Watchers, Fee. It's been my life ever since I lost my legs in Vietnam. It's not about choosing them over you. You are the most important part of my life."

"Not important enough for you to leave the Watchers though?" The tone of her voice held an icy quality.

"Fee, that's not true. If it came down to an ultimatum of staying with them or losing you I wouldn't think twice. I'd leave the organization. But that's not the case. There is no ultimatum. I am with you. There are quite a few people who know about it and there is no problem with it."

"And if I wanted to get married?"

"Why do we have to get married? We're fine the way we are."

"So in other words it's okay for you to live with and sleep with an immortal, but it's not okay with the organization for you to marry one. And of course you won't leave The Watchers will you?"

"Fiona!"

"No Joe! Don't 'Fiona' me. It's obvious to me what is more important to you, and it isn't me." She stated, angrily.

"That's not true and you know it." Joe tried to tell her and getting frustrated.

"What do I know? I know you are putting them first--an organization that tried to execute you six years ago. I know you have said repeatedly you don't want to marry me. So I must not be that important to you."

Fiona looked at him for a minute then rolled away, showing him her back. He didn't get it. She loved him enough to spend the rest of her life with him, to risk the pain she knew she'd feel when he died and left her alone. To do something she'd never considered with any other lover and that was to marry him.

"Fee..." Joe moved to rub her arm but she just pulled away and cried silently into the pillow.

She loved him and now she felt like she was losing him. Marriage was something she did not take lightly, nor was something she had a lot of experience with. The only other man she'd loved enough to marry was Methos and that had been after they had been together off and on for four hundred years. For her it took a special kind of love for her even to consider marriage and she'd only found it twice in her lifetime. Twice in 1500 plus years. Three times if she counted the man she almost married before her fist death.

He rolled onto his back and lay wondering where the conversation had taken a wrong turn. How did it end up being an argument about the Watchers? He knew there must be more. He just wasn't getting, something that Fiona wasn't saying but hoping he caught on to. But for the life of him he couldn't figure it out. The alcohol in his system probably had a lot to do with that. He was far from sober when they left the club; attacking the bottle of scotch when he got to the room hadn't helped matters any. He lay there thinking, wanting to hold her, and wishing she would let him. He finally fell asleep before the sun started to stream in the windows.

Fiona lay there listening to his breathing, and then his tossing and turning, wanting nothing more than to reach across and run her hand down his chest to soothe his troubled heart. She was angry, but mostly she was hurt.

xXxXx

New Orleans -- Sunday Morning

Joe woke first with a pounding headache. He looked over, hoping the Fiona was awake. He could really use a cup of her special tea. It never failed to cure a hangover and make him feel human again. Seeing she was still asleep, he reached over to her running a hand down her arm. Maybe this morning they could talk again and set straight what ever had happened last night.

Fiona woke to his touch and rolled over to look at him. She saw the tentative look on his face and the argument from the night before came rushing back.

"Fee, about last night?" he started.

"What about last night? I thought you made your feelings abundantly clear."

"Fee, I was drunk last night and not thinking too clearly. Can we start again this morning? Please?"

"Joe, what you said last night really hurt. It made me feel like I wasn't important to you."

"You are *very* important to me."

"But not important enough to talk about marriage? Not important enough to even consider leaving the Watchers."

"Oh hell, Fiona, why all this sudden obsession with marriage and getting me out of the Watchers?"

"I think the questions should be what is *your* problem with marriage?"

"I don't have a problem with marriage...for other people. It's just not for me."

"Fine. So it's okay to sleep with me as long as you don't have to make a commitment. Have you ever made a commitment in your life, Joe?"

"How can you even ask that? I made a commitment over thirty years ago when I joined the Watchers. They were my family after I lost my legs. They helped me learn to live again, when I thought every loud sound was a shell exploding and tearing my legs off again. I owe them everything-- including my life."

"Fine. Then maybe you should go find yourself some watcher woman, and settle down and have watcher kids. And maybe *she* can rub your legs when you're tired and sore and maybe she can love you and hold you when your nightmares come and keep you awake at night, and sit and listen to you play for hours. And everything will be all nice and legal for you. You won't have to worry about some other regional head creating a fuss because you're having an affair with an immortal." The tears that had started earlier now flowed freely down her cheeks.

Joe reached out to rub them away.

"No! Don't touch me," she said as she pulled away.

"Ahh, Fee..."

"Joe, you just don't get it." Fiona said quietly. She was resigned to the fact he wasn't even going to try to understand how she was feeling.

"Then why don't you tell me?"

"I thought I had." Fiona was so frustrated with the conversation and the direction it was going. She didn't know what to do next.

Joe watched as she grabbed her suitcase and threw her clothes in. "Fee, what are you doing?"

"I'm going home. I don't want to be here right now. I don't want to be with *you* right now."

"Oh great! So you run away."

"Not running Joseph -- going home. Maybe when you are ready to see reason and listen to what I am trying to tell you, we can finish this. Until then, I'll be at home," she said, angrily, as she closed her cases.

"Damn it, Methos was right. You are impossible when you are angry." He said to her back as she walked out the door.

xXxXx

Seacouver

Fiona woke to hear the captain's voice announcing they had begun their decent into Seacouver. She'd taken a cab to the airport and managed to catch a series of connecting flights home. She'd called Methos from her last layover, asking him to pick her up at the airport. Now she sat waiting for those final minutes to click away until she was be safe on the ground again. She hated flying. Joe knew this, so every time they flew together he would hold her hand, caressing her palm. If she closed her eyes, she could almost feel his touch. She concentrated on that feeling as the plane descended.

Methos met her at the gate and gave her a hug. Then walked with her to baggage claim, not saying a word. He waited until they were in the car and they could talk freely.

"Fee, what is going on? Why are you coming home early and alone?"

"Methos, I really don't want to talk about it, and least of all with you. Just take me home."

"Fee..."

"No, damn it! I'm not talking about it with you, Old Man," she said harshly. "Not right now. Just take me home."

"Fine, Irish... but you know where I am when you do want to talk."

"I know... Right now just is not the time. I need to let it sink in and think about it some before I can talk about it."

They rode the rest of the way in silence. He deposited her at the two story home she and Joe had lived in for the past 5 years, and carried her bags into the spacious bedroom she shared with Joe on the first floor.

"Remember, Fee, you know where to find me whenever you're ready to talk," he reminded her again as he set her cases on the floor near the closet. "I'll turn the answering machine on as I leave."

Fiona stayed in the room mumbling a quiet thank-you to Methos as he left. He turned back to look at her one last time. He saw her standing in the middle of the room looking like a lost child. His heart ached to see his friend in so much pain. Shaking his head, he had no idea what was going on between his friends but he knew it wasn't good. Fiona never would leave Joe. The love she felt for Joe made him jealous sometimes because he knew it rivaled what she had once felt for him. He also knew she wasn't a woman to just fall into romances either; when she loved, she loved deeply and forever. She would never just give up on a relationship. She wasn't that kind of person either. He should know. She really only ever left him in their long history when he was being impossible to live with. He had forced her to leave by his actions.

Methos knew there was nothing he could do to help her right now. She was a stubborn one and would only talk to him when she was ready. He almost had to chuckle, she was acting just like he would.

Fiona stood looking around the room for a long time. Seeing things she hadn't noticed in years because they had become a part of her everyday life. Joe's wheelchair sat next to his side of the bed with his robe tossed casually across the back-- the same robe she'd gotten him their first Christmas together. An extra cane sat next to the chair where he would sit and read. And the book he'd complained about forgetting when they arrived in New Orleans sat open on his night stand where he'd left it a week ago. She gathered the robe in her arms, smelling a hint of the cologne he sometimes wore on the silk. She curled up on the bed hugging the robe close and cried for what she just walked away from and what she might be losing.

She was hurt because he didn't understand she wouldn't mind marrying him and that was why she wanted him to leave the Watchers. It wasn't because she hated what they stood for. Actually, she believed in what the Watchers were doing and she knew what they meant to him. She wanted to have a life with Joe that wasn't governed by the organization and its rules. She wanted a life for them in which she didn't have to worry about whether they were going to send him to trial for loving her.

She remembered hearing about his trial from AJ, a friend of hers in the Watchers. Much later, Joe had told her himself. She remembered being horrified by the thought of it when she heard about it. When she got to know Joe and fell in love with him, she understood more about what led him to the decisions he made. She didn't want him to have to face all that again because of her.

She finally fell asleep from exhaustion, only to be woke later by the low sounds of the wind chimes that hung in the window. The wind had picked up for another Pacific Northwest spring storm. She rose and closed the windows. She headed for the shower and stood under the hot spray hoping it would help clear the cobwebs out of her head and help her make sense of what exactly had happened with her and Joe. After her shower she went into the kitchen and put a kettle on to boil.

She walked past the answering machine, on her way back to bed with her cup of tea, and saw the light blinking. There were messages, undoubtedly from Methos. She wasn't in the mood to deal with them so she passed it by.

As she sunk back into the bed, the phone rang again. She almost answered it this time, but afraid it would be Methos again, she let the machine pick up. What she wanted most right now was to feel Joe's strong arms around her. She missed him. She drifted off to sleep dreaming of Joe and the tender melodies he would sing to her as she fell asleep

xXxXx

New Orleans – Sunday night

Joe slammed the phone down. No answer. Where the hell was she? Methos said he took her home and that she didn't look like she was in any shape to be going anywhere. He had spent the day pacing the hotel room wondering what had gone wrong in his argument with Fiona. She wasn't the type to give up and run, no matter what he'd accused her of this morning. Hell, if that were the case then she'd have left a long time ago. There had been a number of arguments between them that had always lead to creative ways of making up. What was so different about this one? Granted none of the past arguments had hit as close to home as this one.

He thought back to his conversation with Methos earlier that day.

 

"Hello…"

"Methos, it's Joe. Have you heard from Fiona?"

"As a matter of fact I have. I picked her up at the airport and dropped her off at home a hour ago. And if I might add, she looked like hell. I haven't seen that expression on her face in over 400 hundred years."

"So she really is at home?"

"That's what I said. What the hell is going on, Joe?"

"Just leave it alone, Methos. I wanted to make sure she was home, that's all." Joe hung up the phone before Methos could reply.

He had spent the day on the balcony, trying to go over their discussion the night before and figure out what had happened. All he could come up with was that she'd been upset because she thought he was choosing the Watchers over her. Who knows? Maybe, to her, that was the way it sounded.

Joe wasn't able to get a flight out until morning, so he spent one more night in the city. Frank had tried to persuade him to come back to the club and play again but he was too downhearted to even consider it. He spent the evening in the hotel room with a bottle of scotch as company. As hard as he'd tried, he couldn't stomach the liquor, so he sat there, staring through the amber liquid to the bottom of the glass. When he got home Monday, he'd hold her in his arms and tell her no matter what he loved her.

xXxXx

Seacouver -- Monday morning

Fiona woke with a headache and reached for Joe. It was when she encountered a cold empty bed that she remembered that she'd left him in New Orleans after their fight. She didn't have time to consider her actions further. The cool tingling of another immortal interrupted her thoughts.

Fiona pulled herself from bed and drew on the first robe she could lay her hands on, it was Joe's. She wrapped herself in the miles to big robe and holding up the hem so she wouldn't trip, headed to the door. She intended to chase away her visitor. She was sure it was Methos and she wasn't in the mood to talk to him yet, she'd barely figured out things in her mind.

She was surprised to find Amanda at the door with a determined look on her face. She hadn't seen Amanda since they were all in Paris earlier in the year and wasn't expecting to for a few more months. Of course, the other woman's schedule tended to fluctuate like the wind.

Amanda strode through the door as soon as Fiona opened it, and headed straight to the kitchen before Fiona could dissuade her from coming in. By the time Fiona followed her into the kitchen, Amanda had poured two cups of coffee from the thermos she brought with her and dumped a bag of croissants on a plate for them to share.

"Amanda..."

"Not a word, Fiona. Methos called Duncan and told him you'd left Joe in New Orleans. *What* is going on?" Amanda demanded.

"Amanda..."

"No! Don't 'Amanda' me and don't try and shut me up, I want to know. Joe is my friend and I care about him and don't want to see him hurt."

"And you think I do?"

"That's what it looks like from here." Amanda retorted.

"Amanda, we're friends, I don't want to fight with you. I love Joe, but right now we are having a few problems and I wanted to come home."

"What kind of problems?"

"Oh hell, I can see I'm going to get no peace until I tell you." Fiona said, and then began her story. An hour later, she finished telling Amanda about her argument with Joe.

"Fiona, did you ever think that maybe the reason he freaked out was because he's afraid?"

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid of becoming to committed to you. In case you might leave him."

"Amanda, I would *never* leave him."

"Does he know that?"

"I don't know. I would hope he does, but I really don't know. We've never talked about it."

"Don't you think you better?" she asked sarcastically.

"OK. I'll tell him. Are you happy now?" Fiona answered sarcastically.

"Now, get back to New Orleans and tell him what you told me."

"I wish it were that simple Amanda. He just didn't get it when I tried to tell him the other night."

"It *is* that simple Fiona. Did you tell him all of it? That you would never leave him? Did you look him in the eye and say it so he had no reason to question your love? No reason to ever doubt it? That the reason you want him to leave the Watchers is because you fear for him-- that you don't want to be the cause of him getting hurt again."

Fiona just looked at Amanda and shook her head.

"Go! Make him understand. I know you love him and you are obviously miserable without him. Go to him. Tell him how you feel."

"You're right. I'm being stupid. Will you call the airlines and book me something that will get me into New Orleans. I'll go pack some clothes and shower."

"Good girl."

"And Amanda... thank you."

Fiona threw some leggings, a couple large shirts, and personal items into a carry-on bag. Once she got her things put together, she took a quick shower and then threw on yet another pair of leggings and grabbed one of Joe's shirts and vests to wear on the plane. She always traveled in comfortable clothes. She figured if she wore his shirt it would help her feel closer to him.

Amanda drove her to the airport and walked her to the gate. They talked until it was time for Fiona to board.

"Now you go talk to him and bring him home. Duncan is taking me out to the island for a little get-away this afternoon. We'll be gone for a few days or so. I want you and Joe here when we get back or at least, a message saying things are okay."

"Yes, sir," Fiona laughed. She was glad Methos sent Amanda to talk to her. The other woman understood things that Methos never could, no matter how well he knew her.

Fiona boarded the plane and began her journey back to Joe. It had been a day and a half since she walked out of the room in New Orleans, because she was tired of fighting with him.

Fiona was glad the first-class flight attendants were discreet in their service. She really didn't want to be disturbed. She wanted to think of just what she wanted to say to Joe and how she would say it. Whatever it was, she knew she had to tell him that she was never going to leave him and that she'd love him always.

xXxXx

New Orleans/Seacouver

 

Frank promised to take Joe to the airport this morning on his way to work. On weekdays, Frank worked at a Crises Center not too far from the airport. Joe sat talking with Frank until it was his turn to board the plane.

"Joe, take it from me. You both need to sit down and talk to each other, and really hear what the other is saying."

"There are complications to our relationship that you don't know about."

"Joe every relationship has complications. Do they effect the way you feel about her?"

Joe shook his head. He'd love Fiona even if she wasn't immortal.

"Good, then you can go home and talk it out. Hey, buddy, I saw you two together. If that isn't a woman completely in love then I don't know what love is."

Joe settled into his seat and thought about the things Frank had told him. He needed to take a good look at what was said and figure out what had happened on Saturday night. The flight home might just give him more the time to do that.

He called Methos from his layover, to have him pick him up at the airport since he couldn't reach Fiona, and Duncan also seemed to be out of touch. Methos wasn't in a good mood when he met Joe at the gate.

"So are you going to tell me what the hell happened?"

"Did Fee tell you?"

"No, she didn't say a word, except that she didn't want to talk. She wouldn't talk to me last night when she got home and hasn't returned any of my calls today. I sent Amanda over to talk to her this morning thinking maybe she'd talk to another woman. All I can tell you is she seemed pretty upset."

"Methos, I'm not going to tell you either, so don't bother asking again." Joe told him gruffly.

"Damn the pair of you. It's no wonder you are in love with each other. You're both stubborn as hell."

Joe didn't reply to Methos's last barb. He just stared out the window as they drove away.

They both expected to find Fiona when they arrived at the house and were surprised to find an empty house. They found the remnants of the coffee and croissants she and Amanda shared for breakfast. Joe checked the bedroom and found that she'd partially unpacked her bags but her toiletries were gone as was the big carry-on bag she used when she traveled light.

Joe returned to the kitchen and listened to the answering machine thinking there might be a message saying where she was. All there were was his messages to her as well as a couple from Methos, none of which she had listened to. By the phone in the hall, they found a note with an airline and a flight number. A call to the airlines told them the flight number they gave was a flight to San Francisco then on to Australia.

Joe sat down on the sofa. He'd missed her at the airport by an hour.

Methos stood hovering, not quite sure what to do.

"Methos, go home. I want to be alone."

"Joe..."

"Just go!"

Methos went, leaving Joe sitting on the sofa with the flight information still in his hand. He was going to call her solicitor in London and see if they had heard from her.

Joe sat for a while before he went in search of a bottle of scotch. He planned to finish at least that one and maybe even put a serious dent in another. He had no desire to do anything but lose himself in the bottle. He'd really thought she'd be here when he got home. She said she'd be here. He guessed she must have changed her mind about their relationship after all. Part of him was glad that she picked now to leave, before they spent any more time together and he fell any deeper in love with her, if that was even possible. He'd lost a woman he loved a few years before meeting Fee, but Lauren's loss paled to what he was feeling now. He'd just spent six wonderful years with Fiona and now it was over. She was gone and he was left alone to be reminded of their love.

xXxXx

New Orleans – Monday

Fiona arrived in New Orleans late in the afternoon. She caught a cab to the inn where she and Joe were staying. The owner informed her Mr. Dawson had checked out that morning. She'd missed him.

Fiona asked if she could rent a room before she tried to get back home in the morning and was given the same room that she and Joe shared since it was still empty.

Fiona spent the evening making calls, trying to get back out of New Orleans. It seemed though that she was doomed to remain in the city for yet another day or more. All the airlines were booked and even the standby lists were too long to even hope for a chance to get on a flight out. The Jazz festival had ended and now everyone was heading home after an extended weekend. Plus it seemed there was a spring storm hitting the city as well, causing a cancellation of many of the flights. She had barely managed to get into New Orleans due to the storm.

She finally found something that would get her out of New Orleans and to Seacouver, late on Tuesday night. The flight practically criss-crossed the country. The flight took her to Chicago, then a few hour layover before flying to Las Vegas and encountering yet another layover before continuing onto Seacouver via Los Angeles. She didn't like all the layovers, but for now it was the only way to get home to Joe. Maybe from one of the other airports she could try and get a better connection.

Fiona spent the night sleeping on the lounge chair on the balcony. She couldn't face sleeping in the bed, it was to much of a reminder to the mistake she'd made by going home. She done some impulsive things in the past, but this one took the cake. Amanda had been right to call her stupid.

The following morning she woke early and caught a cab to the airport to begin her trip back home and to tell Joe how much she loved him.

xXxXx

Seacouver (Tuesday)

Joe spent the rest of Monday looking into the bottom of a bottle. Everywhere he looked there was a memory of her. There was her candles and crystals in the bedroom, her dulcimer sat near where he kept his old classical guitar. She had piles of books all over the house and more candles in the living room, from a romantic evening they shared before leaving for New Orleans. The bedroom was the worst. He could smell her perfume on the pillows. She must have worn his robe; he could smell her scent on his robe. His dreams would leave him waking, aroused and alone.

He decided today he wouldn't wallow in self pity any longer and crawled back out of the bottle. He still didn't go to the bar. He wasn't ready to face everyone yet. He sat at home, picking at new melodies and pouring his heart into the songs.

Methos had come by to get his friend to open up but he'd been met with hostility each time. Joe simply didn't want to talk and seeing Methos made it worse. He knew Methos would someday meet up with Fiona again and resume their affair without a passing thought about him.

Methos had tried to reach Fiona's solicitors in London a few times but he wasn't able to find anything out from them. They had no clue where she was and when she would check in. He'd left a message that if she did check in with them she was to come home to Joe ASAP.

Amanda was nowhere to be found, so he couldn't even ask her what had transpired during her conversation with Fee. He tried to reach Duncan, but even the Highlander was gone. He was undoubtedly with Amanda for a lovers' get-away. It seemed that now, when Joe needed his friends, most everyone was gone. Methos was worried about his friend. Both of them.

Methos was angry at Fiona for walking out on Joe. He just couldn't believe she would actually do something like that, over something as small as a disagreement. What was the missing piece to this whole puzzle? He knew there had to be more. Joe and Fiona, both, had avoided his questions, which told him it was something big.

By the time Thursday rolled around Joe had spent several days alone at home. Now he had decided to stop pitying himself and move on. He gathered the empty bottles from his drinking binge the first night and threw them all away. He'd actually thought about packing Fiona's belongings but he couldn't, not yet. Maybe just maybe, if he wished it hard enough, she would come home.

He headed into the bar for the first time since they'd left for their vacation. Mike had known he was back in town but Methos had already warned him to leave Joe alone until he was ready to return.

Joe puttered around looking over the paperwork and replenishing the stock. Finally he walked over to the stage and picked up his guitar. He'd been picking at a song during his sober moments this week, now he wanted to put it all together.

 

 _I know you never said that you'd be leaving  
But your empty bed says that you're gone   
I know that darkness doth feed upon sorrow   
And that a long night has just began _

 

As he sang the words, he thought about the past few nights he'd spent alone, wishing for her body curled next to his, and knew how true the words were. His nights were long without her to help fill them.

Methos stood in a darkened corner as Joe sang. He knew his friend was hurting. Just listening to the song he was singing brought the fact glaringly to light. He wished he could do something to make Joe feel better, but he knew there was nothing he could do short of bringing Fiona home and maybe it was even to late to do that.

 

 _I don't remember to my empty heart  
I must explain how one moment so sweet   
On a dark city street made the stars fall down like rain. _

 

He listened as the last strain of the song faded away and Joe changed tunes moving from on to another all a reflection of his sadness and hurt from Fiona's leaving him.

"Joe?" he said quietly stepping from the shadows.

"What are you doing here?"

"Came for a beer. I am still allowed to do that aren't I?"

"Help yourself, but no questions."

"No questions."

Methos poured himself a beer and sat listening while Joe continued to play. More of the same songs. He noticed occasionally Joe would throw in one he wrote for Fiona, as if by playing the songs he wrote for her would exorcise her from his soul. Methos knew it wouldn't work. There were some memories that wouldn't go away, no matter how hard you tried.

"How did you go on, when she would leave you?" Joe asked hesitantly a while later from where he sat on the darkened stage.

Methos knew what it took for Joe to ask the question. Joe'd never asked him questions about the relationship he'd had with Fiona. It was an unspoken agreement they had when the twp of them began their relationship.

"I honestly don't remember, Joe. Most of the time our parting was mutual, except for the last time and I think I dealt with it the same way you did, by staying drunk, until the pain of her loss started to invade the alcoholic haze I was living in. That's when I decided I need to go on and that she wasn't coming back. It was three hundred years before I saw her again."

"I don't have three hundred years to wait to see if we'll meet again. Do you think she will ever come back?" His voice uncertain.

"I honestly don't know. She did the last time, I would hope, for your sake, she does this time, but I really don't know. The situation is different, last time she felt like she was coming between all of us and this time... Well... only the two of you knows what happened. I don't pretend to understand what goes on in her head under normal circumstances and this is far from normal."

Joe didn't say anything he just went back to his quiet playing again. He thought about what Methos said. She had come back last time. But last time was different. She felt like she was the one to blame for all the problems that happened and, if she left, that it would put things right between he and Duncan and Methos. That was before they had six years invested in each other. Would she come back now? Or was this her way of ending the relationship? He really had no clue even where to begin to answer the questions.

"Why did the two of you get married after you'd already been together for so long?" Joe asked quietly.

Methos thought for a moment. "Marriage had never really been all that important to either of us. We were secure with our love for one another and it was never an issue. Then when I thought Sarah died in Lindau and that changed things for me and for Fiona. We always knew someone better with a sword could take our lives. But, for some reason, it didn't sink in fully until we lost Sarie. It was then we decided we should quit playing at being in a relationship and really be in one because we never knew when we could lose one another. We went back to Ireland and a druid friend of Fiona's handfasted us in the same grove in which she and I met on Beltane."

"Why would you want to take the risk of marriage, knowing the history you shared? The years you were together weren't always the rosiest."

"No, not all the time, but I loved her. It's as simple as that. We knew we could be killed by another immortal the next day but we also know that if we didn't one of us could spend a life time with regrets. Neither of us wanted to face the regrets we'd have if we let this chance slip by us. Is this what your argument with Fee was about? Marriage? "

"In a way, yes," Joe answered quietly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Methos asked.

"Not yet. But thanks, my friend."

Methos watched his friend for a while longer. When he finished nursing his beer he waved to Joe and left the bar.

Joe was alone yet again. He knew his mood chased everybody away but it felt good to have Methos's quiet presence while he played. He was lonely; it was way too quiet in his life without Fiona around. He decided he'd better get out of the bar before the evening crowd appeared and his foul mood chased even the die-hards home. He called Mike out from the office and told him he was leaving.

Joe made his way home. He was tired and drained. He decided one way to make himself feel better was a long soak in the hot tub. They had specially designed a hot tub that would allow him to move his chair next to the tub and with relative ease, slide into and an overhead trapeze aided him in getting out. He turned on the jets and the heater in the hot tub and left to get undressed. As he was heading back to the hot tub the door bell rang. Joe backtracked to the front door figuring it was Methos again and he could either chase him off or invite him to join his as long as the old immortal didn't mind a soak with au natural. He didn't feel like going back and putting on a suit. He was surprised to find Amanda standing there.

"Joe, I came as soon as I heard. What's this about Fiona leaving you?"

"Amanda I don't really want to talk about it," Joe told her as he pulled the robe closer around his body so he wouldn't inadvertently expose himself to her.

"Damn it, Joe! I was with her yesterday. I drover her to the airport and I know for a fact she was taking a connecting flight to go back to New Orleans to talk to you. She loves you. She would never leave you. Ever." Amanda pleaded.

"Doesn't make a difference. She's not here now, is she? Now get out and leave me alone."

"Joe..."

"Amanda I really don't want to talk about it... she was here Monday morning and was gone by Monday afternoon when I got home. I left her messages telling her I was coming home. Where is she? Obviously, not here. Hell, it's probably better this way anyway, and then she doesn't have to watch me get old."

"Joe Dawson, you are, without a doubt, the most pigheaded man alive. I know Fiona will never leave you and you had better get that into your thick skull. That woman loves you far too much to do that." Amanda told him, exasperated with her friend.

He turned away from the door leaving Amanda standing there. He didn't want to hear what she had to say. Fiona was gone and that couldn't be changed by Amanda's ranting. She almost followed him but she knew he would only yell at her again. She decided to go see Methos and try to figure out what had transpired since Monday. The last she knew, Fiona had every intention of going back to Joe. She wished now that she hadn't let Duncan talk her into going to the cabin. She felt like she'd let Fiona and Joe down somehow.

Across town, Fiona's plane had just landed. She had encountered just about every delay possible except hurricanes and earthquakes, trying to get home. She rushed to get out of the airport and find a cab. She wanted to get out of there and home as fast as she could. She knew he was home, he had to be. Fiona's only goal was to get home to see Joe and tell him how much she loved him.

Joe parked his chair next to the hot tub and slid over and into the steaming water. He positioned his stumps over a jet and let the warm pulsing water ease the ache from the continued pressure the prostheses caused. He closed his eyes and was met with the image of Fiona kneeling over him to do what the water jets were now doing.

He'd lost track of how long he'd been soaking when he heard a door close. Must be Methos, he thought. He's the only one who would walk in without knocking. He knew MacLeod would wait till he was ready to talk. As long as he and the Highlander had been friends, he knew that Duncan rarely pushed for information unless he was ready to talk.

Fiona let herself in. She knew Joe was home from the lights that were on. She silently walked through the house looking for him. As she walked out into the porch, she found him soaking in the hot tub. He looked haggard, as if he'd aged in the few days since she'd left him in New Orleans. Didn't he know she was coming home? She'd called from every stop and left messages on the machine. He must not have listened to them, something, she knew she was also guilty of.

"Methos, go home, unless you want to sit and not talk again. I'm really not up to talking. I just scared Amanda away."

Fiona swallowed her pride and said, "It's not Methos."

"Fiona?" he asked turning to look toward the voice behind him.

"Yes, Joe."

"What do you want? Came back to gloat?" he asked turning his back to her again.

She could hear the hurt in his voice and knew it was the hurt doing the talking now. "What do you mean gloat? I've just spent the last day sitting on planes and delayed in airports trying to get back here. I've left messages from every airport, telling you I was coming home. There were not any direct flights out of New Orleans or I would have been home sooner. "

Fiona moved to sit on the side of the tub, watching his expressions.

He looked up at her. She was pale and exhausted with circles under her eyes from lack of sleep. Joe knew her well enough to know what she was saying was the truth. Good going Dawson, he thought, chase her off when she's coming back to you.

"You mean... Damn, she was right. I didn't listen."

"Joe, what is going on?"

"Amanda, she came by today when Methos told her and Mac you'd left me. She told me you were going to New Orleans to talk to me. I didn't believe her," he shook his head as he spoke.

Fiona reached out and touched his cheek tentatively. "Joe..."

"Oh Fee... What happened?" he said pressing her hand to his cheek.

"May I join you?"

Joe smiled and patted the water letting her know she was welcome to join him. He watched her as she smiled and proceeded to undress. He noticed for the first time since she walked in that she was wearing one of his denim shirts and his suede vest, both were so large on her small frame they simply hung off her. She removed her leggings first then proceeded to unbutton her shirt. He also noticed she wasn't wearing a bra but then, he thought, she rarely did. She threw her clothes onto his chair along with his robe.

Joe watched her as she climbed into the tub and crossed over to him. God she was a beautiful woman. He'd missed her so much the past few days, he ached. He could see her hesitation before sitting down next to him. He could also see she was as unsure of what to do next as he was. Instinctively, he reached over and pulled her to him, holding her tight against him. It felt good to hold her in his arms. He thought he'd lost his chance to do this forever.

Fiona gave into the tears she been fighting back for days and let them flow against his chest. He held her until her tears subsided, knowing that his own flowed just as freely.

She pulled back a little to look into his grey eyes. She saw a sadness there she'd never seen before.

"Joe..." she said as she reached to touch his cheek.

He swallowed before trying to speak. "I thought I'd lost you. I didn't know how I was going to live with that."

"Only someone better with a sword will ever take me from you."

"Fee..."

"Shhhh, I'm not planning on meeting that person any time soon. I love you."

"I love you," Joe told her. He caught his breath then continued, "Fee... about New Orleans, what happened? We were fine and happy and then we weren't. Everything is so jumbled now. All I really remember fighting about is the Watchers."

Fiona sighed, she knew they would have to face this sooner or later. There was no way that they could go on unless they cleared the air about his.

"It all got started because of me calling you my husband and escalated from there into a fight about the Watchers."

"Oh yes, you want to me leave the Watchers," he said pulling away from her.

"Wait! Before we start this all over again, I want to tell you *why* I wanted you to leave, I don't think either of us were making things clear the first time."

Joe grunted.

"I love you. Nothing would make me happier than to be married to you. Wanting to be married isn't something that comes easy for me. It scares me some immortal could find out about us and use you against me. It also scares me there are Watchers who could use me against you. For us to get married, you would have to leave the Watchers, for both our protection. Yours and mine. The decision is yours but know this, nothing you decide will make me leave you."

Joe thought for a minute about what she was saying. She wanted to marry him. That was why she wanted him to leave the Watchers. It wasn't because she didn't like what the Watchers stood for. It was so they could have a chance at happiness with out the fear of someone like Horton, finding out about them and using that knowledge to hurt either of them. Ahhh, God, why didn't he see it the first time. He was so busy defending his position with the organization he couldn't see what she really was saying. Or his stubborn pride wouldn't let him. Now he needed to tell her what he'd been thinking too.

His voice quiet as he started to tell her what had been going through his mind that night, "As much as I love you, I have always known that one day you will leave me..."

"Joe..."

He put his fingers to her lips, "Shhhh, let me finish.

"I knew you would leave when I became to old and could no longer satisfy you. I went into our affair knowing that. I've been around Immortals long enough to know they never had forever. I was scared of being hurt by you leaving than I ever was of marrying you and, if it is possible, falling even more in love with you. I panicked. That was why I closed you out that night. Marriage has never been something I've ever thought about."

"Joe, I will never leave you. Amanda told me to make sure you knew that, so I'm making it official... I will be with you forever, and I have *no* intention of ever leaving you."

He looked at her, letting her words sink in. She said she would never leave. "Fee, I'm sorry."

"So am I," she whispered before continuing, "If I hadn't left that Sunday morning we could have avoided a week's worth of hurt. Can you forgive me?"

"Oh, honey, of course I do. How could I not? You mean too much to me." If he thought about it, he'd forgiven her the minute he saw her.

"Joe, about the Watchers and marriage, we can decide it together. It's not something we need to do this minute, just as long as we do it together."

"Yeah…" he agreed as he pulled her back into his arms.

She cut off his words with a kiss, pouring all the love she felt for him into the kiss. She flicked her tongue across his lips asking for entry. He opened to her and met her tongue with his own, mating in an intimate dance. They sat together for a long time just holding and kissing, enjoying the feel of being together after the misunderstanding of the past week.

Joe ran his hand down her side and across her hips, nudging her onto his lap. She straddled his legs as they continued to kiss. His erection pressed into her. Almost instinctively, she began to move against him. She felt his smile under their kisses. Their passion for each other was one thing even an argument could diminish.

He growled as she ran her fingers down his side, tickling him as she went. When she reached his hips she moved across his back and continued downward until she massaged his cheeks. Joe moved, pushing into her, as her hands grasped his backside.

The water swirled around them as they ran their hands over each other. Fiona rose up slightly and then lowered herself on Joe's erection. He groaned as he slid into her hot depths, filling her. He'd missed her this past week and held her still, he wanted to enjoy the feeling of just being buried deep in her again.

Sliding a hand between them he moved down to where they were joined. Slipping a finger between them he moved to find the nub that would lead to her climax. As he moved over her he could feel himself as she slid over him. Joe continued to caress her as she began to move on him in rhythm with his touch. Soon she lost the ability to concentrate as he increased his movements bringing her closer to the edge.

Joe felt her tighten around him as she tumbled over the edge crying out, "Joe..."

Fiona clung to him as the waves of sensation washed through her, filling her the places that he been empty since their fight several days before. As soon as she was able to think she began to move setting a new pace to bring him with her. She reached between them and begun to run her hands across his chest, tangling her fingers in the silver hair sprinkled there and running a nail across the tight nipples buried there. As he neared his own climax, Fiona rolled them over and wrapped her legs around his, letting the buoyancy of the water hold him as he climaxed, thrusting deep into her.

"Fee..." He growled as he came.

They floated together, intertwined. Fiona ran her hands up and down his back, slowly caressing him as they kissed gently. After a while, his softened penis slipped from her and they pulled apart.

"Let me get out of here and let's go to bed, I want to hold you." He told her between kisses.

Fiona sighed, "I have missed you so much. I couldn't sleep without you next to me. I kept reaching out and not finding you."

"I know what you mean," he replied, wistfully.

Fiona stood and reached for his shirt, pulling in on over her wet body. She watched as Joe raised himself to the edge of the tub and then eased himself into the chair. He bypassed putting his robe on. Instead he just laid it across his lap, as they headed into the house with Fiona walking along side her hand on his shoulder.

The End


End file.
